Born in the time of darkness and evil under the Sun of God
Glory's my mother, fire's my brother, sword's my only law!
Into the land of chaos and hate, there is no place for me
And for the conquest of justice and honor I will use my steel!

Holy Flame
burn again for eternity
Burn my heart to win!
The holy war is awaiting another fiery king

Rage in my heart, crossing the forest, riding my black horse
Across the valley, along the river where the hot blood flows!
Over the lakes and over the hills I follow the call of the wind
Uphold the legend! And for my princess I will fight and win!

Holy Flame
burn again for eternity
Burn my heart to win!
The holy war is awaiting another fiery king

"Lord of the Thunder, please be my guide
Before and after my last fight
I'll be your soldier, serving the Light
burning forever, alive and proud"

[Interludes]

Holy Flame
burn again for eternity
Burn my heart to win!
The holy war is awaiting another fiery king

"Lord of the Thunder, please be my guide
Before and after my last fight
I'll be your soldier, serving the Light
burning forever, alive and proud"

I've made my decision. I will do my best.

I know that -given a choice- I wouldn't even bother, I would focus on the rest of it, I would just live on..
But seeing it from a diferent perspective, the other one I truly have, I need to do this.. I need to give it a try, to get to know someone else much better, to move on.

Of course, the other half of my mind feels dirty and betrayed and whatever. But you know what? Fuck the other half of my mind =S
I'm really sorry. Things don't work out. Things fall apart, things end. And I want to feel close to someone again, as I haven't felt close to someone during the whole year (except for a few, counted days with her, when we'd still see each other...)

But the thing is, I made up my mind..

I've been trying to correct my silly little "book". I mean, it hasn't got chapters, just loads of separate .docs and no coherent shape.
But I'm feeling lazy about giving it a more decent form, that would mean I finished it, and for some reason, I don't want to ever finish it.. or at least, not yet!

I guess it's kind of an occupational therapy for me, I've thought of that a lot. And during this time, I couldn't even write a word about other stuff I like even more than this story, but it wasn't the same with it...

Someday I'll publish a lot of books, when I become bored with business and chemistry and everything. I mean, look at JK Rowling, she was already middle-aged when she became the world's richest writer and the most succesful one =D

Okay, I got myself into a nice Taller de Escritura, I'm really looking forward to it. As I'm really looking forward to my next Acting class (L).

Actually, I'm also looking forward to some other stuff; I want to forget about her.. well, more than forget her, to stop thinking at all of her and to go on with my life. I'll try to approach this slowly, I've never done something like this before.
This is all new to me... As a matter of fact, I've never asked out a girl, just my ex, who was my only gf ever. It's kind of lame, I know, but I'm a really romantic guy and I'm really reserved.
I ended up going out with sluts and bitches who asked me out and I went out of curiosity or to give them a chance. So the thing is okay, I was wondering, how will I ever move on, if I'm like a turtle or a hedgehog, enclosed in myself?

But okay, I know I can, I know I have it in me...

So is everybody this lonely when they're in love?
They embrace a pain that's deeper than the shadows?
It's all to make us shine, I just know it...

I love you, I love you
I gaze at you with my heart
I believe in you, I believe in you
Even on the coldest of the nights

I call out to you with my tears
But I don't need any promises
That's the precious strenght you've given to me

i can't take it seeing you gone
having given you all that i am
all i'll ever be, all i was
future's black, future's black
no one will help me, no way back
i fall down, i'm on my back
and no one sees me, i'm a memory
no one believes in me, i'm a god
no one wants me for what i lack...

i try so hard
i tried to change
i think i made it*
but lost in the way

if ever i could start again, faraway from here
i wish i'd get what i want, a second chance
no pain no fights no lies no fear
having you back, having you here...

I'm so out of love.
Time will see if I can heal.
I chose an eternity of this.
..Well-deserved and so painful solitude.
I will be strong.
I know Love, they don't.. she doesn't..

I've been reading a lot lately, and I've realised -as I walk or do other stuff- that everyday, being apart hurts less. It's not that my love diminished at all, a part of me will always feel for her, and I realised I started loving her way before I told her so; I fell in love after a couple of days of meeting her, because I just knew, and I remembered...

I started thinking, as I've always thought, about how people are so pathetic. Everyone's a slut, no one knows the real meaning of the word love, because most people switch bfs/gfs with such ease... Not that it doesn't hurt them or whatever, they just go from a person to the next, and it's something I don't want to ever do...

And after some time, they end up with someone they might be very fond of, but whom they don't really love as that one true love they might even not have found in their lives...

Will I end like that?...

I'm just empty...

I wanted to put Pornography (an album by The Cure, of course) but it could attract unwanted attention to my peaceful little blog.
Well, today I had a long, hard day. And yesterday, and the day before, and all the way up to monday, if I'm asked...
I dropped from di tella. It was almost the only thing I wanted to do at all. And start with Letras, that is I even went, on tuesday, to the UBA building and met an old friend who's studying there. I loved the place, I really fell in love. And I got back, with the idea of waiting for a while to tell my parents about my decision.

But of course, things didn't turn out as I wanted...

Why's that? Because it's my karma, my destiny, to screw up every time. Not even once can I have things my way, life's always shit for me...
For some weird reason, my mother approached me and asked me funny questions; how were my subjects going, how was I coping with the people in my class, etc. Of course, I tried to lie at first, but I couldn't hide, for the last two days, my deppresed voice, so she just said what I wanted to hear, if I wanted to drop economics.
I told her so, and she freaked out. I didn't dare mention letras, because with the mention of leaving the university -something I hinted for months and months- she would freak out and lash at me.
I also want to study Chemistry, so I told her I wanted to study that, and that I was gathering information about it.

To make a long story short, I ended up changing from economics to business, because they wouldn't have me throw so much time, effort and money like that...
They wouldn't see how it is for me...
They wouldn't see that I'm not what they think I am...
They wouldn't listen at all...

Back then... I wouldn't have feared this scenario... I was told by her that I could stay at her place, live with her and her mother if I had to. And the idea was like one of the few shining things I had... like seeing the sun coming out faraway; even though I was defeated and hurt and cold, I believed I'd always have the possibility of living with them and being happy... blissful oblivion... but no... now I have no way out...

I had to surrender... as I always did... And I'll finish business in 2 years time, if everything goes well...
In the meantine, I'll start chemistry and take it slowly...
And for letras... someday I might do that too... who knows?...

Right now, it's friday night, almost midnight.
I'm alone at home, been reading and listening to my music... while everyone's out, having fun... oblivious to my solitude... to my loneliness...
And deep inside, I've always been like this, so alone... So defeated, so abandoned, so dead... Dried, tied, hurt, beaten down...

And I wish I had someone for me, I wish I could feel love for someone...

I just can't =/

First of all, I'm leaving utdt for good. Then, I went to English, I have to finish my mock proficiency exam. In the afternoon, I bought HP4 and went to the places in my dreams. And in the evening I went to Deutsch, really fun. Some people left, and there's a new girl. It's kind of pathetic, poeple.

Anyway, my ex hates me and regrets ever meeting me. My so-called friends showed up during the weekend, once. My family will kill me when they learn the news about my universitarian career.
I want to study Quimica AND maybe -most probably- Letras. I want to study a lot of English and give classes, I want to teach and to write.

I want to live... I want to love...

I'm starting to believe someone went through my stuff.

Definitely, it's the first time ever I forgot to hide my Diary. It won't happen again.

I´m back home.
I'm exhausted, I slept just a couple of hours, and had dreams of Harry Potter and Voldemort and ended 2 against 1, while my dreams within my dreams ended up 3 against 1. I'll always say that the best simulation is a dream, and better still, a conscious dream.

I don't have space on the wall, and I really want to go out with my new clothes. Unfortunately, I don't have where to go with them, and the few invitations I already got aren't appealing at all...

I told no one I was going away.

Just a couple of people found out, because of my family telling them, and of course, my family knew too. I just wish I could be gone for good, and stay here in Canada, or just somewhere else, somewhere special; and never see again the beautiful people I left behind. None of them at all.

And the weird part is that, apart from my parents and my uncle/godfather and my grandmother, no one even cared that I was gone. I mean, I got a call from a friend who didn't know I was still gone, and that's it. And I'm glad. This means I have severed the links to my previous self. And now, I'm free, and I'm no longer a worm.

Well, I tried to open up this when I was at home, but for some reason the country I live in is considered so third world and undesirable that I couldn't.
Anyway, I just wanted a place to put stuff I liked or thought without needing to have a damn fotolog.

Right now, I'm in Canada. It's almost 35 degrees outside and I can't take it, so everyday I come back to the hotel a bit earlier than I'd like to, to cool down, to rest my feet and to eat something. (And to read a bit too <).>Once I get back home I'll edit this a bit more and post more. For now, it's goodbye.