I wanted to put Pornography (an album by The Cure, of course) but it could attract unwanted attention to my peaceful little blog.
Well, today I had a long, hard day. And yesterday, and the day before, and all the way up to monday, if I'm asked...
I dropped from di tella. It was almost the only thing I wanted to do at all. And start with Letras, that is I even went, on tuesday, to the UBA building and met an old friend who's studying there. I loved the place, I really fell in love. And I got back, with the idea of waiting for a while to tell my parents about my decision.

But of course, things didn't turn out as I wanted...

Why's that? Because it's my karma, my destiny, to screw up every time. Not even once can I have things my way, life's always shit for me...
For some weird reason, my mother approached me and asked me funny questions; how were my subjects going, how was I coping with the people in my class, etc. Of course, I tried to lie at first, but I couldn't hide, for the last two days, my deppresed voice, so she just said what I wanted to hear, if I wanted to drop economics.
I told her so, and she freaked out. I didn't dare mention letras, because with the mention of leaving the university -something I hinted for months and months- she would freak out and lash at me.
I also want to study Chemistry, so I told her I wanted to study that, and that I was gathering information about it.

To make a long story short, I ended up changing from economics to business, because they wouldn't have me throw so much time, effort and money like that...
They wouldn't see how it is for me...
They wouldn't see that I'm not what they think I am...
They wouldn't listen at all...

Back then... I wouldn't have feared this scenario... I was told by her that I could stay at her place, live with her and her mother if I had to. And the idea was like one of the few shining things I had... like seeing the sun coming out faraway; even though I was defeated and hurt and cold, I believed I'd always have the possibility of living with them and being happy... blissful oblivion... but no... now I have no way out...

I had to surrender... as I always did... And I'll finish business in 2 years time, if everything goes well...
In the meantine, I'll start chemistry and take it slowly...
And for letras... someday I might do that too... who knows?...

Right now, it's friday night, almost midnight.
I'm alone at home, been reading and listening to my music... while everyone's out, having fun... oblivious to my solitude... to my loneliness...
And deep inside, I've always been like this, so alone... So defeated, so abandoned, so dead... Dried, tied, hurt, beaten down...

And I wish I had someone for me, I wish I could feel love for someone...

I just can't =/