Last night -as we did almost every other night since I've gotten here to Madrid- I chatted with her. We've been drawing together in Heart and Soul, I can feel it. When she's cold, I worry and tell her to go get something, and when I'm tired for lack of sleep, she scolds me. When she teases me, I know her cheeks get red and she'll deny it to death, and when I tell her how I feel, my hands sweat lightly. And all these silly games we play are like life coming back to my body, after all that time.
I can see now that Amanda was maybe my first Love, but it was unhealthy, and together with Blair, they both were the price I had to pay before I got to her. I feel this could be the best time of my life, but I'm scared of blowing it, even before it starts. Still, I know we're being drawn together with magnetic forces too strong to fight against. Once I get to her, I know exactly how it will be -I've had dreams about it!- and I know it will be a crucial point. But I'm not scared. As strange as it is, I'm overly nervous when I have to give an oral exam, and I'm detached when it comes to human relations (long story...) but for this, my shyness is nonexistant. On the contrary, all her activity and extraversion disappear when it comes to feelings. We're inversed, when it comes to feeligs. And I like it, her non-aggressive nature is so much like my own... I'm writing and writing because if I stop, I'll go crazyyhfjkhfg: our meeting is so close and yet there are so many "obstacles" in betweenn