I need some way of freeing myself.
I'm pressured and pushed at work, at the university, at home, with my friends, and with her. Every single part of my life is a wreck.

My slave-like job makes me work 30 hours a week for just $900, and I can't achieve any balance at all, nor am I learning useful skills so I can improve myself. I need the money, I want to fly away...

My so hated university is the thing I hate the most. It's like a prison to me, it's like torture to me. I have to pass my exams, no matter what, and I don't give a fuck about marks, but still, I'm under a lot of pressure, I'm tense.

My friends... I have none!
Yea, pathetic. I've lost them all, and I don't really care, but I need someone (other than her) to talk to, once in a while. I just need to talk about silly computer games, books that I've read or anime, or wargames or history or whatever...

At home, I feel like walking straight into hell. The fiends lash on me because I'm a betrayer and an outcast to them. I just count the days, weeks, until I'm free at last. Maybe death is the real, ultimate freedom, or some crap like that. I just can't take it anymore.
And what if I decided to do them a favor, to obtain something in exchange? What if I thought it was a good move to exchange, say, a stupid appointment of picking them up somewhere, in exchange of stuff worth $600? I know it's materialistic, but right now, spending money is the only pleasure I've got left, and I wanted some new books. And the worst part, is that $420 or something of the total stuff I got is for her! Yea, not for me... But given that I work a month to get $900, I don't see how I could refuse $600 for just an afternoon...

And her... She expects too much, asks for too much, from me... I can give her everything, anything. And still, she'll want more. And that's the way I like it, that's the way I like her, I like her to be. If I wait for her 4 hours in a car, and go crazy, sacrificing other things, to be there on time, she'll say I'm not dressed up. If I killed them all, she'd say why has it taken so long?
I don't know what to do, because most of the flaws in our relationship were caused by the fiends, the globosphere, the globoshitters... And there's nothing, nothing that I can do to ease the pain. I can't even confront them, because I need them to fly away... Yes, how pathetic is that? I'd be like a bird in a cage, like a dog with a leash...

I need time, the day's not long enough. And every waking hour goes by so slowly (for which I'm grateful!) but so empty at the same time; just an expectant wait to see, feel, talk to her, to make it all better. To escape...

I need to escape, right now, the pressure's too much and the tension's unbearable. When she leaves me, for a month, to go on her journey, my life will end. I hope she'll come back to me, I'll wait for her, in my new apartment, my new life. My new peace... And I hope, it can be our new peace...